When I started blogging a while ago (in late 2002 I think it was), I kept myself anonymous or used pseudonym. I wasn’t too comfortable blogging about personal stuffs (in fact even the non-personal stuffs) with my real name at that time I guess, and I still am not entirely comfortable while writing a bit personal entry. I have often deleted entries right after posting them!! However, I think I care a lot less about how I write and what I write about now than I used to before. And I don’t really think of who reads my blogs (if anyone) while writing, which is a bit consoling when you think of embarrassing yourself (and sometimes the peoples you write about/mention in your blog-entry!) with your stupid blog entries. At the end of the day, I write for myself and myself alone. If others read it, that’s fine, and if they leave comments, that’s wonderful. But ultimately, I’m just another selfish guy, writing for my own peace of mind OR for making my presence on the web, however minute.
Of course, I wonder sometimes why I just don’t write on a personal journal – electronic or otherwise, and not publish on the web? It serves the same purpose, at least in terms of “writing for the peace of mind”. I do occasionally write journal entries that I do not put on the web, and yes, they do provide me with a peace of mind. Most of all, they are too personal to publish publicly anyway, and I wouldn’t even dream of putting them on the web. Talking about dreams, I have been reading (and writing) quite a lot about dreams these days, especially “lucid dreams” where you dream knowing you are dreaming. However, let’s keep “dreams” for some other time, and who knows, I might write about them here when I feel more “comfortable”. But for now, let me continue with what I wanted to write about in the first place. As I was saying, laying out my entire life on the web is not what I feel comfortable about. Although, I realise most of it is laid out already for everybody to see. However, the entries that I do post on my blog generally concern my views on social, political and other similar issues – issues that (should) concern most, if not all, including those who visit my blog, hopefully!!!
Another reason why I put forth my “views” on various issues (including personal aspects of life sometimes) is because I want to see what others think about those issues. I think I have always learnt more from sharing of ideas and discussing them with my friends and colleagues than from reading. Plus, you tend to be more critical of what you’ve read/heard/seen when you start discussing about them with others, and try to take a position of your own regarding those issues. Formal academic writing has been a huge part of my life ever since I entered the university; however, expressing opinions like these hasn’t been too easy for me. Even when I start writing about the dream I had or what was in my mind when I woke up from a certain dream, I start researching about “why we have certain dreams?”, “why do we find it difficult to remember dreams?” and so on – meaning, I am so much used to academic writing that just expressing opinions or writing about your mindset at any given time is starting to be very difficult. So, this is one way of countering that problem. And hopefully, “balancing” my writing as well!
Following up with what I said earlier about whether anyone reads this blog at all, I’ve decided to put that to test by posting certain entries (mostly a bit personal entries) with password protection. If anyone wants to read those entries, they’ll have to know the password, which means writing me for it. If I get email asking for password to those entries, then I know I do have some readers!! Quite clever of me, don’t you think? OR may be a bit stupid - I don’t know!! I may just be putting off that tiny bit of readers I (must) have by restricting access (making it difficult rather)… Anyway, my experiment will continue for now, and you can probably see a “Protected” entry below already!! I wait to open an email with that password request 🙂