Fear of recognition

He wasn’t going to notice her, knowingly. The truth was he hadn’t noticed her until he was within a few metres of her. She was coming towards him with her friends from the opposite direction. As soon as he realised it was her, he knew it would be wise to not notice her or pretend that way in any case.

He is quite good at that now – at, knowingly, “failing to notice” somebody. He was always good at unknowingly failing to notice people – known people that is. He has got into trouble numerous times in the past for not noticing people he should have noticed, or expected to have noticed, and greeted. The fact is walking alone is such a personal act for him, he reserves such moment for himself and no one else. And even after the troubles, he hasn’t been deterred from reserving this personal moment to himself and blocking out everything else in his path, except the path itself. You could say he walks in auto-pilot, with only his physical self walking the walk. Mentally and spiritually (although he says he’s not entirely sure he has a spiritual self!) though, he’s usually somewhere else during those moments.

On this occasion, just in a split second that he saw her face (for just enough time to realise that it was her), he saw fear in her eyes. Fear probably of him noticing her, and even worse greeting her. He realised she had noticed him all along. Probably from far off that long narrow walkway he was walking along – towards her, towards his house. That was his usual way home. Had he noticed her from afar, he would probably have switched to the walkway across the road. It was already too late, so he just had to be his usual self now – to “fail to notice” her. And, to prove her fear wrong, which he did. Or at least he thinks he did.

For him though it has never been a problem – the fear of being noticed. For he knows its just his physical self that is walking. Mentally, and probably sub-consciously too, he is usually somewhere far, where no one notices him, and no one he notices.

3 thoughts on “Fear of recognition

  1. I can’t say if the He is you in this “He She”, writeup which I believe is an attempt to fictionalize the reality, but at the same time..convey the message that it is very much the fact as well…still I thought this “He” fellow was acting the way I do, a lot of times. Kya copy rat rahecha, jasto po lagyo!I used to do that “fail to notice” ppl ..still do, and even pretend to forget faces ” though I never forget any!”. STrangely, I have actually begun to forget people ( really) these days….Now, I don’t know if it feels any better?!

  2. D, the “He” in this “attempt to fictionalize the reality” is not me as such but as a narrator I let him have some of my own characters πŸ™‚ Well, as I like to say, my writings like this are ‘factions’ – somewhere in between facts and fiction – there are elements of actual incidents, but also elements of imagination. Initially, I had two versions of this “He She” write up – one where the narrator follows the character “He” (above), and the other one where the narrator focuses on the character “She”. The narrator being a ‘he’ himself (thats me!), it was a bit difficult to follow “She” and I didn’t like my initial attempt at that – it involved a lot more imagination and getting into the head of that character, which I thought I did rather poorly. May be someday I’ll have an alternate view of this story, where the focus will be on “She” and how she sees this whole incident.

    “Copy RAT”, is that the rebellion against the copy cats? πŸ™‚

  3. Copy RAT, in fact is only a typing error, though could make it a rebellion way of saying that as well. πŸ™‚

    Waiting for the narrator (you) to follow the “She” character then. It’s always hard getting into the head of a “she” both in real life or in FACTIONs πŸ™‚
    Wish you luck.

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